How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
