Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
