My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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