It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
