I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
