i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Boobs speak an international language.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
These tits shall not be calmed
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
