Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
