I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I cannot find my penis.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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