Don't EVER smell your tampon
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
