How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
