connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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