I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
