I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
