guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
