i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
