she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
