I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
