So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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