where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
