You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
