i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
