what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
