hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
