I puked a lego.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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