How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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