how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
