Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
