so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
