hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
