Umm I'm too high to move.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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