the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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