How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
