I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
