I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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