you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
