I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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