Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So much rum. So many feels.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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