i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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