You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
