Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize