Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
