p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
