So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
