haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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