i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
