I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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