yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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