Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
