The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The convent might be a nice break from real life
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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