I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
