2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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