dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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