I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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