It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
