she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i think i just lost a toe
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
